The Pony Remark is one of my very early favourites. Mind you I’m not terribly discriminating when it comes to Seinfeld favourites. There are favourite aspects of nearly every episode, but this one is an early treat.
The first thing to like is that after Jerry’s opening standup the first scene is devoted to his parents Helen and Morty. Staying at Jerry’s they have flown up from Florida for a 50th anniversary dinner for distant relations. Two great old married couple arguments ensue – one over Morty’s checked sports jacket which is particularly lairy, and another over who will answer the phone when it rings. When does conversation turn into argument? I get the sense here that the scriptwriters are saying that this is what marriage turns into after so many years. Life is filled with minor disagreements that don’t have any long term meaning. In a way this is a comforting thought, but also fits into the regular Seinfeld theme of exposing the difficulties and problems inherent in long term commitment.
Jerry arrives thrilled that his baseball team has made the final for the following Wednesday. It is, he says, the greatest moment of his life. And then in a clever piece of foreshadowing we learn that Morty’s greatest moment was when he went to work for Harry Fleming and came up with the idea for the beltless trenchcoat. Stay tuned for a future episode involving Kramer, Morty and beltless trenchcoats that is also a joy.
Jerry’s parents try to convince him to come to the anniversary party, bringing Elaine along. His objection is that Uncle Leo will be there, grabbing his arm and tellling him all about cousin Jeffrey who “works for the parks department”.
And then perhaps my favourite moment in this episode when Kramer appears with his genius plan to remodel his entire apartment as “levels”, getting rid of all his furniture and replacing it with carpetting and pillows, “just like in Ancient Egypt”. Jerry is skeptical: “I know that you can’t and I’m positive that you won’t”. They agree on the bet of big dinner if it doesn’t happen. Kramer is supremely confident.
The pivotal scene of the anniversary dinner is delightfully staged. Jerry and Elaine are in attendance. Jerry has landed a seat next to Uncle Leo who regales him with tales of Jeffrey’s tours of the park; “edible foliage tours”. Jerry listens dutifully, while Elaine seated at the add-on “kids table” desperately attempts to join in the conversation: “These peas are bursting with country fresh flavour”, “phe-nom-en-al peas”. It’s all very awkward and becomes more so as the conversation turns to horses. Jerry sees an opportunity to join in, “they’re like big riding dogs” and ponies “what kind of abnormal animal is that?”. It just gets worse as Jerry and Elaine riff off each other on the ridiculousness of ponies, culminating with Jerry observing that hates anyone who ever had their own pony. Supremely embarrassing moment follows when Manya (she of the anniversary dinner) tells them off. She had a pony when she was a little girl in Poland, and then she promptly huffs off out of the room.
Jerry then, tries to makes amends with some beautiful lines: “Who figures an immigrant’s going to have a pony?”; “Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country?”
It sort of puts a dampener on the party atmosphere.
Next morning at the apartment Jerry is farewelling his parents when Kramer enters. The levels are off. “I decided I’m not going to do it.” Jerry wants to know when he’s going to get his big dinner. Kramer’s logic is stunning: “There’s no bet…I’m not doing it.”
As the parents leave, Jerry gets a phone call. Manya has died. He hollers to his parents down on the street and they return, now staying for the funeral. Morty is particularly concerned about losing money on his cancelled flights, while Helen despairs once again over the sports jacket, which is particularly inappropriate for a funeral. Together they muse over what caused the death: “the pony remark”. Jerry is then in a dilemma, as the funeral clashes with his baseball final. “Who has a funeral on a Wednesday?”
Some stand up on death.
In the diner with Elaine and George. This is a strangely late appearance in the episode for George. While Elaine and Jerry debate the pros and cons of him going to the funeral or his baseball game, George remains completely self-absorbed. He can’t envisage any situation where he will ever have sex again. This is totally ignored by the other two as they consider the meaning of life and wasting time. Elaine is concerned, “Can’t you have coffee with people?”. She is interested to hear that Manya’s apartment will be available as Isaac is moving to Phoenix. Three hundred dollars a month.
At the funeral the pony is a big talking point in the eulogy as Jerry shrinks into his seat. “She even had a pony. Oh, how she loved that pony…It was the pride of Krakow.”
And the wake is nicely constructed too, with Morty badgering his intern nephew for a doctor’s note to take the airline, while Elaine and Jerry engage in an very unsubtle interrogation of Isaac to find out what’s happening to the apartment. Jeffrey’s taking the apartment. The only good news for Jerry is when it starts to rain. His game will have been postponed and he will get to play.
Finally in the diner, post-game, Jerry is being severely paid out for the hopeless game he played. Elaine suggests it may have been karmic payback for the pony remark.
Last line pre standup: “Who figures an immigrant’s going to have a pony?”