Dear Harrison
Please note I am using the formal, full version of you name as this is a serious letter. I am more than happy for you to climb up the security screens in search of moths, bugs, geckoes and other assorted insects. I do not mind that you have claimed every comfortable chair in the house as your own and covered it with cat hair as you rotate your daily sleeping regime of approximately 10 hours. That’s what the lint roller is for. I like the funny squawking noise you make as you sit as a tiger waiting for its prey watching the peewees in the back garden. That’s cute. It’s also nice that you meet me at the front door when I get home and I can hear you meowing as I drive in. I’m also okay with you sleeping on my bed, as long I am not in it and it has been made. That’s most days. I’m not thrilled with you sitting on the kitchen table, but we seem to have come to a truce there at the moment. I really don’t like that everytime I get a bunch of fresh flowers you sniff them out and then never leave them alone until you have either started to eat them or knocked them on to the floor. No more bunches of flowers for me. I can make that sacrifice as a responsible pet owner. However, (and here is the vital point of this letter) I do not like it when you catch a lizard, eat half of it, leave the entrails (blood included) for me to clean up and then a little while later, be sick on the floor. If you could stop doing that, it would be much appreciated.
Lots of Love
your owner/servant
Wendy
I can’t wait for the reply!!!
Dear Owner:
I like lizzards. You need to get a meow stronger stomach. So back off my fluffy butt! I am thinking of your own safety when I kill them. Saving your ankles. I hope to discuss this further with you over tonight. I also need more cuddling and have sibling brush me.
Thanks,
Harrison Davis.
Dear Harrison
Why didn’t you login as yourself rather than Anonymous? I understand that lizards seem attractive but surely you can’t enjoy the barfing they induce.
As long as I don’t find any sick on any surfaces you may get a cuddle and the lint roller could make a appearance once I get home.
Kind Regards
Wendy
What a clever cat you are Harrison!! You will do anything to get a good brushing.
Hi I represnt one Harrison Davis the following is directed to “aid Owner:
Meow.
“I am glad to see everyone enjoyed my former responses”. “As I sit here on the piano bench I am pondering my next meal” “Sorry for the messes I have created in your abscences’, but what can you do, I am a young, male cat”. “We should discuss my meal selections in future correspondences”. “I feel my choices, as of late have become, dull” “This, in part explains why I have chosen reptilian Cuisine” “If we can discuss more variety in my meals, I’m sure an agreement can be reached”. “Thank you for your time”. *scurries off to the litterbox*