Dear unnamed electricity provider

Thank you for you kind letter advising me how much I owe you by the 18 January. It’s very timely, considering I have just finished spending myself stupid on Christmas gifts for others and myself. Never fear however, I will pay you on time.

However, if I may, I would like to point out a problem with the so called Davis Report you have thoughtfully provided for me, comparing my electricity usage with the average in my region. Firstly, it’s very interesting to see I am using a humungus 2% more electricity than the household average in my area. Clearly these people don’t know how to use electricity with the same zest that I do. Most of all I would like to thank you for your helpful tips for reducing my electricity usage. It may interest you to know that

1. I do not have a second fridge or a chest freezer so cannot save the estimated $300 a year by turning them off. Plus – wouldn’t that make the food go bad in the freezer? Just wondering about the wisdom of this tip.

2. I do not have a dishwasher, therefore I am unable to set it to economy cycle and save your estimated $50 per year.

I make a point of turning off lights when I leave the room already, so any other thoughts you might have might be welcome, as long as they don’t involve setting the airconditioning to 25 because quite frankly that doesn’t cool anything down in the stinky, humid, Queensland summer.

Yours sincerely

Wendy