I’ve had two weeks at home with minimal distractions to get my head around the idea that I’m not going back to work. I’ll be more specific. I knew I was leaving work and not returning but racing off on a month long holiday delayed the reality of my decision. And I’m not leaving “work” forever. I have however, left that job.

Still, despite the fact that I chose to apply to leave and was keen to go, there are adjustments to be made. For instance, every day (including weekends) for the last 5 years at least I have eaten breakfast in front of the computer. This was in spite of the fact that I had a perfectly good dining table with a nice view of the backyard. I would choke down some muesli and a cup of tea while madly checking the overnight work emails, twitter, Facebook, the news and weather, and anything else that had changed while I was asleep. There’s no need to do this anymore. (Indeed, some might argue I shouldn’t have done it ever….I know!) Nevertheless, the pull towards my home office is strong once the milk is poured on the muesli. This isn’t good for me. One of my goals is to eat breakfast somewhere else in the house. The second issue that’s appeared is that I’m not quite sure what to do at home. If I’m not sitting at my desk, even if it’s idly exploring the great big world of the internet, I feel like something is wrong.

Because here’s the thing….my brain…she is tired and has been for some time. In the last week I’ve managed to lock myself out of the house because I forgot to pick up my keys. I’ve also managed to be completely inarticulate at a meeting, care less about the news, Australian politics or anything that might be of importance and go to the grocery shop WITH a list and still come home without buying corn. For a person who used to know everyone’s extension at work, who was who, where they were, what they did yesterday and 10 years ago, this brain mushiness is a sign that I need to give myself some time.

Already though, I am seeing benefits to my decision. Here are just a few:

I have exercised every day for the last week, sometimes twice a day.

I have made a salad for my lunch every day from scratch.

I have got out of bed and started the day BEFORE my alarm (and without pressing snooze at least 5 times).

I have woken up not knowing what day it is, and then when I worked it out I have NOT inwardly groaned.

I have written my Christmas cards. That’s right. In November.

I have slowly started planning what to do to the garden.

I have watched Seasons 2-5 of Parks and Recreation.

Apart from the sentence above I have barely watched any television.

I have read for fun without falling asleep.

I have noticed a marked decrease in my swearing. In fact, I have barely experienced the desire to swear AT ALL.

I have been to the pool every day for the last 7 days and bought a monthly pass, new swimmers and goggles.

I have inquired about viola lessons for 2014.

I have worked on my QUT study every day and more progress than I have made in the last six months altogether.

I have tidied my desk.

Overall though, my goal is to step away from the glorification of busy. Despite all my protestations to the contrary I bought into “busyness” just as much as the next gal working in a  lower middle management academic job where life was defined by email and waking up in the morning wondering just how you were going to get all that stuff done by the end of the week before the next round of things asploded on your desk. I was in an awesome routine that consisted of little more than making it to work every morning, sitting at my desk for all the hours (including meals) and then coming home and watching TV until bedtime. My enthusiasm for the power of education had waned (long ago if I’m being honest) and I was tired of remembering which acronym stood for what and why I was supposed to be interested.

So for the moment, I am telling myself that it’s good for me to spend some time staring out of the window. It’s fine not be playing music, watching TV or endlessly tweeting (although to be fair I’m still doing quite a bit of that I guess). It doesn’t matter if I choose not to do something today. I’ll be able to do it tomorrow. If the phone rings and I am taking a nap it’s okay not to answer it. They’ll ring back if they really want to speak with me. I have the luxury of time to figure out what I want to put my attention to. And when I figure it out then I’ll do that. Until then, I continue.